July 31, 2005 Jinborov Karnovski sends photos of his vacation in Italy. May 24, 2005 "Star Wars, nothing but Star Wars, gimme that Star Wars, don't let them end ..." May 16, 2005 How about doing your job, you pieces of shit? April 24, 2005 Nintendo has no comment. April 16, 2005 Five dollars poorly spent. And, introducing Ryan, who wants to ride my coat-tails into Internet obscurity. February 21, 2005 "I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive. . . ." February 9, 2005 First things first:  The Secret Machines loaded up a Cannon Full of Rock and blasted my ass out of the Metro and into the nearest convenient parallel dimension.  Pick up their album. Or die. Next things after:  The World's Largest Dungeon--pt. II Christmas, 2004 So You wasted good money on shitty presents? November 17, 2004 See the finest nerds in the Empire tackle the World's Largest Dungeon. November 10, 2004 Greg sends us a chilling little tale all the way from South Korea. October 30, 2004 A Special Halloween Edition of Shit That Makes Me Want To Rake My Face Over Broken Glass (or STMMWTRMFOBG, for short) October 20, 2004 Can't get a flu shot?  What the fuck will you do? September 23, 2004 My mourning of Rick James has finally ended.  I can return to the world, and what better way to do that than with bullshit about G.I. Joe? August 6, 2004 Funk Pioneer and Pirate Captain Rick James dies. August 2, 2004 Greg sends more word from the Deeping Wall. The Battle of Gaines' Mill as it truly was. July 21, 2004 To:  Everyone on the road between here and Tinley Park You sons-of-bitches made me miss the show.  I can't believe you fucking assholes made an hour trip take 3 and a half hours.  I hope you all choke to death.  I mean, what the fuck was the problem?  Assholes.  I go to a concert maybe twice a year.  You fuckers owe me.  Hardcore. July 11, 2004 Greg's got a new article.  Something about Hindus and Speed Racer, I don't know. Cameron Diaz's mouth is an inspiration to impact craters everywhere. July 7, 2004 Why Fahrenheit 9/11 is important, and if you disagree, you're wrong. June 29, 2004 Finally. And check out Greg's new feature here, and over to the left. June 15, 2004 Holy shit!  New stuff!  For whom the bell TORQUES, it torques for thee. A radio great returns to Chicago Public Radio.  Listen and be transformed.  Just like Bumblebee, except you won't be a stupid yellow Volkswagen. May 4, 2004 At least it wasn't as long as War of the Robots. April 9, 2004 Christians AND financiers?  What could be more evil?  Besides myself, naturally. April 9, 2004 After this, I plan on having a leprechaun tossed onto a Catherine Wheel and Santa Claus locked in an Iron Maiden.  'Tailgunner!' March 31, 2004 I don't use locusts anymore.  Locusts are gay.  Instead I've summoned Brood X.  You can hear their horrible ululations here.  Scroll down to find 'em. March 29, 2004 Read all about how War of the Robots is missing two vitally important things:  war and robots March 17, 2004     Check out this asshole from Maine.